McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
