dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
