My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
