I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
