very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
