Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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