Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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