wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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