I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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