You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
