ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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