First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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