ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
