You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
