I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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