No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
