Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize