I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
