xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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