How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
