thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
