i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
