I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
