What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
