We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
