you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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