Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
