Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
