hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
