my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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