Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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