just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize