Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?

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  (519): why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong? http://tfl.nu/074u
  Replies (58) Good night (1368) Bad night (3615)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Was it cool?

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.

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  (904): Was it cool? (1-904): About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/28fv
  Replies (31) Good night (824) Bad night (7632)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.

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  (908): I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway. http://tfl.nu/lu4f
  Replies (14) Good night (1269) Bad night (2703)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

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  (864): The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up. http://tfl.nu/edto
  Replies (6) Good night (2375) Bad night (1134)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.

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  (864): Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night. http://tfl.nu/lqaz
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (1614)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.

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  (602): JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS. http://tfl.nu/m8yh
  Replies (10) Good night (1458) Bad night (849)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.

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  (717): I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink. http://tfl.nu/gbhu
  Replies (3) Good night (1075) Bad night (637)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte

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  (845): I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte http://tfl.nu/yyhp
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (673)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

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  (256): i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime? http://tfl.nu/inlq
  Replies (12) Good night (2260) Bad night (738)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

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  (908): Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka? http://tfl.nu/zznq
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (425)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.

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  (724): I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over. http://tfl.nu/3u0b
  Replies (7) Good night (1534) Bad night (617)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter

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  (614): Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter http://tfl.nu/3fce
  Replies (6) Good night (1802) Bad night (701)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore

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  (512): The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore http://tfl.nu/9q9y
  Replies (4) Good night (351) Bad night (697)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.

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  (956): He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex. http://tfl.nu/esb3
  Replies (5) Good night (337) Bad night (698)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.

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  (778): And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again. http://tfl.nu/11c3
  Replies (2) Good night (849) Bad night (245)

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