Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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