also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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