He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
