i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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