remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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