just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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