I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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