I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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