i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize