my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
