Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
