You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
don't judge my taste in strippers
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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