Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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