Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
