yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
