What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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