I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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