um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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