I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
