i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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