we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
