sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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