Plan B is the new Plan A
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
