I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
