Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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