Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
