i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
