Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
