its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
