he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
