I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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