Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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