I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
