I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize