Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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