With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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