Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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