I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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