oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
