I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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