I hate all girls vehemently.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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