last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
